


Tossing the Script out the Airlock (and Good Riddance to it)

by coldishcase



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gay Obi-Wan Kenobi, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Matt Stover's Revenge of the Sith Novel, Multi, Polyamorous Relationships, Quote from Canon content, Suspected Infidelity, Weird Stewjoni Biology, just a little bit though, queerplatonic friends Obi-Wan and Padme and satine, references to comics, the language of the Jedi, tw: mentions of grooming (because Palpatine), use of Dai Bendu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:29:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26583670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldishcase/pseuds/coldishcase
Summary: Palpatine tries to convince Anakin that Padmé is cheating on him with Obi-Wan. Anakin confronts his friend about it, finds out a bit more than he bargained for, and not at all what he was expecting to.Or: The one where Obi-Wan is Gay and Palpatine has no rights.
Relationships: Bail Organa/Breha Organa, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Bail Organa, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Sheev Palpatine & Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 32
Kudos: 300





	1. The Miscommunications were Short

**Author's Note:**

  * For [loosingletters](https://archiveofourown.org/users/loosingletters/gifts), [ghostwriterofthemachine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostwriterofthemachine/gifts).



> A really, really big thank you to @loosingletters and @ghostwriterofthemachine for letting me use their part-canon, part-fancrafted Jedi Language! I put the translations in Chapter two, so I recommend opening the second chapter in a separate tab so you can easily reference it when you get to the Dai Bendu in the story <3

**From the Revenge of the Sith Novelization:**

> _"That is why I put you on the Council. If the rumors are true, you may be democracy's last hope."_
> 
> _Anakin let his chin sink once more to his chest and his eyelids scraped shut. It seemed like he was always **somebody's** last hope._
> 
> _Why did everyone always have to make their problems into **his** problems? Why can't people just let him be?_
> 
> _How is he supposed to deal with all this one Padmé could **die**?_
> 
> _He said slowly, eyes still closed, "you still haven't told me what this has to do with Obi-Wan."_
> 
> _"Ah, that -- well, that is the difficult part. The **disturbing** part. It seems that Master Kenobi has been in contact with a certain Senator who is known to be among the leaders of this cabal. Apparently, very **close** contact. The rumor is that he was seen leaving the Senator's residence this very morning, at an… unseemly hour."_
> 
> _"Who?" Anakin opened his eyes and sat forward. "Who is this Senator? Let's go question **him**."_
> 
> _"I'm sorry, Anakin. But the Senator in question is, in fact, a *her*. A woman you know quite well, in fact."_
> 
> _"You--" He wasn't hearing this. He couldn't be. "You mean--"_
> 
> _Anakin choked on her name._
> 
> _Palpatine gave him a look of melancholy sympathy. "I'm afraid so."_
> 
> _Anakin coughed his voice back to life. "That's *impossible!* I would *know*-- she doesn't... she couldn't--"_
> 
> _"Sometimes the closest," Palpatine said sadly, "are those who cannot see."_

_[Revenge of the Sith](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35458.Revenge_of_the_Sith), Matthew Stover, p. 250_

°|●.*•

This is it. Anakin is going to just... ask him. He's not sure _what_ he'll do if he finds out Obi-Wan has been sleeping with his wife, but...

Well, he'll figure that out if it's true.

He went to Padmé's apartment, felt for himself the evidence that Obi-Wan had been there.

Now, he needs the truth. He needs to be _wrong_.

"So... I heard you spent a late night with a senator," he asks, trying not to sound overly accusing. Obi-Wan always gives him the benefit of the doubt.

Several emotions flicker across Obi-Wan's face then. He eventually fixes his gaze on Anakin, a modicum of panic in his eyes. Anakin's heart sinks.

The next words out of his old Master's mouth, however, catch him by surprise.

"You... know about Bail?"

Anakin's eyes go wide. No, he didn't--

\-- but he can't help thinking _he knew it_ , it _was_ a male senator --

\-- "Bail?" He blurts out, confusion showing. "No, Palpatine said--"

"-- _Palpatine_ saw me with Bail?" Obi-Wan asks, his voice rising an octave.

"No--" Anakin insists, hands going up in a placating gesture. "Not-- I didn't know about Bail. I uh. Palpatine told me he heard you were seen leaving Padmé Amidala's Apartment." He explains, and some of the worry drains from Obi-Wan.

"Oh," he says, sounding infinitely relieved. "No, I, er. Well, I definitely haven't been making 'late visits' to Senator Amidala." He gives Anakin a curious sort of look. "I hear she's spoken for, not that I would pursue her, in any case. It would be... awkward."

"Awkward?" Anakin asks, feeling as if he's missing something.

Obi-Wan gives a tired sort of smile. "Besides the fact that my preference is not for the fairer sex; she once made an advance, and I turned her down." Seeing Anakin's flaring temper, he is quick to clarify, "long before your knighting, Anakin. But, as I said, awkward."

Anakin nods, appeased. Then, he remembers there's a more important topic to focus on here. "So... Bail?"

The reaction is immediate; Obi-Wan's face blushing a dark red as he looks away. "Yes, I-- if you could keep that to yourself, I'd appreciate it."

To hell with it, Anakin thinks. "Sure Master, I'll keep your senator a secret if you keep mine."

"The fact that you think your relationship with Senator Amidala is a secret is adorable," Obi-Wan responds, a glint of amusement in his eye. "Half the council is still asking me why they weren't invited to the wedding; I can't give them an answer, as I wasn't invited either."

Anakin looks shocked by that information, which is truly endearing. "Wait, they aren't mad?"

Obi-Wan shakes his head. "You proved to me that you could put responsibility over your wife on Geonosis. Relationships aren't forbidden so long as there's not an unhealthy attachment involved. Anyways, we've always bent the rules a bit for you."

Anakin feels as if a weight has been removed from his shoulders. A weight that _Palpatine_ put there, he thinks.

The old man has been wrong about the Jedi on two accounts now... why does Anakin hold what he says about the Jedi in such regard?

Perhaps he should fact-check more of the Chancellor's absurd claims.

"Ah." Anakin responds intelligently. "... so why does your, um, _thing_ with Bail need to stay a secret?"

Obi-Wan's red cheeks return once more. "Well. A... few reasons. Not that I think I'd be in trouble for it, but... I'd like to respect Bail's privacy. He is, after all, Married."

"Does Breha not know?"

"She knows," Obi-Wan assures his former Padawan. "I wouldn't agree otherwise. But that doesn't mean they want the whole senate knowing about their ... arrangement with me; or others."

Again, Anakin nods to show his understanding. "The less people who know, the better. Right..."

"Exactly."

"Still," Anakin starts, bemused, "I didn't take you for the 'mistress' type."

A complicated flurry of emotions cross his friend's face. "... neither do I," he responds, a little clipped. "I think of myself more as Bail's type."

Anakin realizes how insensitive that came off a bit too late. "I'm sorry--"

Obi-Wan waves him off. "It's difficult to understand when I haven't explained. Bail is Bi; he generally prefers men, but his heart belongs fully to Breha. I prefer men as well, and I have... a condition... so we came to a mutually beneficial arrangement, in which Bail and I enjoy one another while on Coruscant, as he and Breha cannot be together as often as they'd like to be."

Anakin gets all that, he does. But one thing sticks out to him that he feels needs to be clarified. "You have a condition?" Is Obi-Wan sick?

If its possible, Obi-Wan grows more embarrassed. "Well, I'm from Stewjon."

That clears nothing up.

At Anakin's clueless expression, Obi-Wan sighs and explains. "Right, quick biology lesson. Somewhere down the evolutionary line, it was decided that Stewjonians need more incentive to reproduce. So, while it isn't _necessary_ in order to live out a full, average life span, our bodies naturally produce more beneficial hormones during sexual intercouse. This means, the more I..." he pauses, looking displeased by the verbal corner he's painted himself into. "... get laid, the slower I age, the faster I heal, and the less sleep I need. All beneficial to fighting a war, yes?"

That's all news to Anakin. Fascinating. "So do you have... other arrangements too?"

Obi-Wan shakes his head. "As of now, just Bail. I could, of course, visit the lower levels to the same effect, but I find it safer and more preferable to have intercourse with someone I like and trust." Less likely to catch something that way, too.

Anakin nods, strange mixtures of relief and utter confusion swirling in his mind. At least he knows Obi-Wan has no interest in Padmé... but that doesn't explain the way he felt his presence in the force, in her apartment.

"Okay. Uh." He hesitates, knowing there's no real, good way to word this. "Just... to be 100% clear, you're _not_ having secret meetings with Padmé in an attempt to overthrow Palpatine and the Senate?"

The look Obi-Wan gives Anakin would make someone think he had just grown a second head.

"... no, wherever did you hear such nonsense?"

Anakin rubs the back of his neck, feeling the last bit of worry ebb away. "Just rumors."

Obi-Wan shakes his head. "Truly, the Senate gossip gets wildly out of hand. I'll admit, I do on occasion have tea with Padmé, but there's nothing treasonous about friends visiting one another and trading stories and doing each other's makeup from time to time." He pauses. "And while neither of us have very _high_ opinions on Chancellor Palpatine's term, there's no plot against him, as far as I am aware. We are both just eager for this war to end, and for him to release his emergency powers so the Republic can return to democracy."

"You think his rule is undemocratic?" Anakin asks, looking appalled by the idea.

"He's been in power long past his elected term," Obi-Wan points out. "A new Chancellor should have been elected already. Over this time, he has used the war to gain far more emergency powers than any one person should hold."

Sensing Anakin's impending argument, he continues. "... Of course, this makes it far simpler to fight a war; I simply worry that when the war has ended... he won't give up his power so easily. He has resisted peace talks, and every other attempt to bring this war to an end sooner. So I... have concerns." He gives Anakin a tired sort of smile. "But last I checked, he hasn't yet made it treasonous for Padmé and I to exercise our right to free speech."

"Of course not," Anakin responds, sounding distracted. He's always thought having one person to make decisions was a good thing... or, does he just think that because Palpatine has told him it's a better idea so many times?

He has many things to question. But, more importantly right now, Obi-Wan mentioned _make-up_?

Anakin shakes himself from his thoughts, giving his friend a curious look. "Uh. Rewind a second. Did you say Padmé did your make-up?"

"And I did hers," Obi-Wan answers easily. "We both had dates."

That would explain why they were, in some cases, sitting closer than friends would; as far as he could tell in the force.

"Bail takes you on dates?" Anakin asks, curious but trying his best not to be pushy about it. This is something new, which he never anticipated learning about his Master... he wants to know more, but as a Jedi with his own secret significant Senator, he understands the secrecy.

"Not all of them are Bail," Obi-Wan answers after a moment, as if weighing how much he should admit to. "But yes, he does. He's quite a gentleman really; I do look for other potential partners, but I fear he's spoiled me for most."

Anakin can imagine; having a Senator as a partner is _pretty_ nice. “The tea is that good?”

“And the company,” Obi-Wan agree, a crinkle at the corner of his eyes. “I’ll admit... I’m glad you know now. I don’t like keeping secrets from you.”

That warms Anakin’s heart, so much that he doesn’t quite know how to express it, so he deflects. “If you have pictures of yourself in that makeup, you _better_ not keep them secret anymore,” he teases with a grin.

the teasing pulls a laugh from Obi-Wan, who shakes his head. “I don’t; but I’m certain Padmé has plenty. I think she even took a few of us the one time Bail stopped by her apartment to pick me up.”

Oh, he is definitely getting those from his wife later. “So Padmé knows about you two?”

“She introduced us,” Obi-Wan admits fondly. “I don’t share details with her, but she’s a smart woman.”

That she is. “Why am I the last to find out?” He protests, trying his best not to let it come out sounding whiny. 

“Because, my dear padawan,” Obi-Wan starts, gently ribbing him. “You are a dear friend, and an unparalleled partner in combat, but you can’t keep a secret to save your life.”

“I can keep a secret!” he argues! “I swear, Master, no one else will ever know. I only talk to you and Padmé, anyways.” He pauses, “Well, and Palpatine.”

“And he mustn’t know,” Obi-Wan insists, more serious now. “Bail is one of the leading senators advocating for clone rights and peace talks, Anakin. He is a _good_ man. And, he disagrees with Palpatine quite often. I shudder to think what the Chancellor would do with this information, should he find out. I wouldn’t put it past him to use it in an attempt to not only discredit Bail, but to berate the Jedi as well.”

“But neither of you are doing anything wrong,” Anakin states, frowning.

Obi-Wan’s eyes close for a moment. “And it’s not wrong for a system to want to remain neutral and out of the war, yes? And yet, Palpatine did everything in his power to try to strongarm Republic forces onto Mandalore, even rushing a vote 3 days ahead of time, _without Satine present_ , based on a doctored holorecording.”

Anakin doesn’t look at it that way... but he’s not going to argue with Obi-Wan where Satine is involved. Though he now questions how romantic their relationship really was, he knows they were, at the very least, close.

“Just please, don’t tell him, Anakin.” Obi-Wan persists, looking up at his friend beseechingly. “If for no other reason than Bail values his privacy.”

“Of course,” Anakin agrees easily. “Like I said, I won’t tell anyone. I just... nobody really talks to me about Palpatine like you are now. I guess most people know he’s my friend and are too afraid to say anything less than flattering... You’re giving me things to think about.”

“I try to be honest with you whenever I can,” Obi-Wan responds cautiously. “You aren’t a child anymore, and though old habits are hard to break, I don’t want to keep sheltering you as if you aren’t a capable adult.”

“I sense you have more to say,” Anakin prompts when Obi-Wan doesn’t immediately continue.

His friend nods, looking troubled. “I know he is a close friend of yours, Anakin, and one of the few people you knew and liked here, after leaving your home. Which is why I--mistakenly, I think--didn’t object to his interest in you. Initially, I had hoped another friend would make your transition from Tatooine to Coruscant easier... but... well. I find the way he treats you... inappropriate. In some cases, predatory.”

And with those words, Anakin suddenly feels on the defensive. No, Palpatine is his _friend_ , like a grandfather to him. He isn’t... _predatory_ , or--

Obi-Wan’s hands are up even before Anakin can think of a rebuttal. “I don’t claim to know all the details... but the fact that when you were younger, you didn’t feel comfortable telling me anything of your activities on your outings with him says quite a lot, Anakin. And more than that, when I started to suspect something was amiss, and attempted to join you on visits with him, or simply ensure you weren’t left alone with him, he used his position as the Chancellor to strongarm me into backing down. It was... _is_ , concerning.”

And, that’s news to Anakin. He understands why Obi-Wan hadn’t told him sooner, too. He was a headstrong kid; any attempt to protect him, especially from someone he saw as a friend, Anakin would have just taken as Obi-Wan ‘controlling’ him. He knows better now; after years of being Obi-Wan’s equal. But then, it may have just pushed him away, and further from where Obi-Wan could attempt to protect him.

Still, he feels the need to explain himself. “It’s not-- He didn’t do anything... _like that_...” He starts, floundering a little. “It’s just, I didn’t want to tell you, because he took me places I shouldn’t really be going, and I had fun, so...” might as well come clean now, it’s not like he can get in trouble for it anymore. “He used to take me on trips to the lower levels, like, clubs. And he taught me how to make a chance cube land on the side I wanted, so we would find corrupt senators, and cheat them out of their credits. And, Palpatine said he gave the money to charities, so we were doing good things, you know?”

Obi-Wan closes his eyes, and Anakin is reminded of when he tested his patience early on as a padawan, and his Master would silently count to keep himself calm.

He hasn’t needed to in a long time, not since well before Anakin was knighted.

And despite what the action reminds him of, Anakin knows his Master’s temper isn’t directed at _him_.

“... Anakin,” he starts, tone gentle but tight. “Please, just. For a moment, put Ahsoka in your place. If she was telling you what you are telling me now... what would you think?”

And Anakin’s gut does a flip, because deep down, he already knows.

He... he knows that Palpatine uses him, says one thing and does another, feeds him constant doubt about his friends, about the Jedi...

He knows this, and yet, no one before has had the nerve to say anything even slightly negative about Palpatine to his face. No one has ever dared do anything but say how great his close friend, the Chancellor, is.

Because like Anakin, people are afraid of him.

He feels a tremble start in his fingers, finally faced to acknowledge how _afraid_ he is. How much it terrifies him to know that Palpatine holds all his secrets, that should Anakin ever be less than his enthusiastic friend, he could be ruined.

He, the hero with no fear... is _afraid;_ a frightened boy in the face of a decrepit old man.

And only now can he show it, in the presence of the only person he’s ever known to have the courage to speak up about someone so untouchable.

As if sensing Anakin’s oncoming panic, Obi-Wan interrupts his thoughts, voice kind and sad. “Anakin, dear one, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He moves closer, and any restraint Anakin had breaks.

He feels 9 years old again, lost and seeking comfort in Obi-Wan’s arms. “I can’t say no,” he whispers brokenly. “Master-- _Jaieh_ , I’m terrified of him.”

Hearing Anakin call him Jaieh, like he hasn’t since he was young, since it was too hard for him to call anyone ‘Master’ without dredging up bad memories, Obi-Wan accepts Anakin into his arms, no hesitation or holding back.

Anakin needs support right now, needs to know that he isn’t alone in this, that if he asks, Obi-Wan would walk right into Hell with him. “Enoah foh bika, Anakin.” he promises him, reassures him. “Enoah foh mikeelal.”

“Paienoah kodaih bika,” Anakin says, but it comes out unsure, like he’s asking. Like he doesn’t know if he’s accepted, if he’s really not alone in this.

Obi-Wan’s heart aches, and he holds Anakin closer, pressing a reassuring kiss to his temple. “Haj Dai, Anakin. Pai _enoah_ kodaihbika.”

Anakin shatters then-- or it feels like he does. So many doubts, so many fears, and Obi-Wan bats them all aside with a few words. Words said so easily, words Anakin feared shouldn’t apply to him.

He cries, his earlier suspicions and anger forgotten, absolved now, as he is faced with the truth that Obi-Wan cares for him; that his best friend is his truest ally, that Obi-Wan accepts him and will always accept him.

As he allows himself to acknowledge that Palpatine is a liar and a manipulator, and he is (and always has been) coming up with vile falsities in his attempts to drive a wedge between Anakin and Obi-Wan; the one person he _can_ rely on absolutely.

And through it all, through his tears and his shattered sense of self, Obi-Wan holds onto him; not judgement or disgust, nothing but kindness and acceptance as he carefully picks up the pieces and helps Anakin piece himself back together.

How he could ever doubt Obi-Wan’s character... he would say he doesn’t know, but he remembers. He knows all the little things Palpatine said, all the betrayals he implied, the way he twisted Anakin’s thoughts to see himself pitted _against_ Obi-Wan instead of regarded _with_ him, as he should. They are a team, _The_ Team.

He should have recognized long ago that their accomplishments aren’t a competition, they are an accumulation of the good they can both do, together and apart.

Anakin may be late, but late is better than never, and he recognizes it now, at his lowest and most vulnerable moment. A competitor wouldn’t hold him and build him back up, stronger than before. A friend does that, a friend and mentor and _good person_.

When he can speak, albeit in a watery way, Anakin wipes his eyes, face still hidden in his Master’s shoulder. “What am I going to do?”

The answer doesn’t come immediately, and that in itself is a reassurance. Anakin doesn’t want unthought-out platitudes, he wants honesty, and preferably, a plan.

“I don’t know what we _can_ do right this moment, Anakin.” Obi-Wan admits. “He is still the Chancellor... and that won’t change until we end this war. But I can promise you this, my dear padawan, you will never have to go see him alone. You need only ask, and I will be by your side. And as soon as circumstances change, I will do all there is in my power to make sure he never comes near you again, Anakin.”

He sniffles, more reassured by the realistic response than he could ever be by promises that can’t be fulfilled.

“Then we’ll just have to try harder to end this war, huh?” Anakin goes for an optimistic tone, hugging Obi-Wan more snugly.

Another comforting kiss goes to his temple. Obi-Wan is frugal with his shows of affection, so it means all the more now that he is giving them so openly. “We will, Anakin.” He promises, and his voice is so steady, so sure, the rock that Anakin can always lean against. “Together, I doubt there’s anything you and I _can’t_ do.”

“Together,” Anakin agrees, a knot in his very soul coming loose. 

Obi-Wan is right. They are The Team, and that isn’t just a title. Together, they can do anything they set their minds to.

They can defeat Sith Lords, they can end a war, and maybe, just maybe, they can even save Anakin Skywalker’s soul from the Devil.


	2. Translations

**Dai Bendu Translations**

_“Jaieh” || ●_ Simplified Meaning: Master

> Literal Meaning
> 
> roots: ‘je’- mystic, ‘ai’- mastery, non ownership. so ‘one who is a Master in the ways of the Force’, implying more like a teacher than an owner.

_“Enoah foh bika, Anakin. Enoah foh mikeelal”_ || ● Simplified Meaning: I am here, Anakin. I am with you.

> Literal Meaning
> 
> Enoah fo - I am (in a permanent state, not transitive) 
> 
> bika- here
> 
> [Anakin]
> 
> Enoah foh- I am (in a permanent state) 
> 
> mikeelal - comitative ‘you’/with you.

“Paienoah kodaih bika.” || ● Simplified Meaning: We are here together, now and forever.

> Literal Meaning
> 
> Paienoah - We are (in a permanent state, and this has implications for the future)
> 
> kodaih - Exclusionary ‘We’ - all of us jedi (exclusionary, implying the inclusion of Anakin in the Jedi and alluding to the exclusion of Palpatine as not a Jedi)
> 
> bika - here. 
> 
> so essentially, “We are jedi, and we are together, and Palpatine is not, and this matters for the future.”

_“Haj Dai, Anakin. Paienoah kodaih bika.”_ || ● Simplified Meaning: Yes, Anakin. We _are_ here together, now and forever.

> Literal Meaning
> 
> Haj Dai - literally ‘Force Wills’, a reassuring ‘yes’.
> 
> [Anakin]
> 
> Pai _enoah_ \- We are (in a permanent state, and this has implications for the future) [italics stress is on ‘are’]
> 
> kodaih - Exclusionary ‘We’ - all of us jedi (exclusionary, implying the inclusion of Anakin in the Jedi and alluding to the exclusion of Palpatine as not a Jedi)
> 
> bika - here. 
> 
> so essentially, “Of course, Anakin. We _are_ jedi, and we _are_ together, and Palpatine is _not_ , and this matters for the future.”

Thanks to [@jasontoddiefor (loosingletters on Ao3)](https://tmblr.co/mO-jpN9PTf6NcSRAA8OSYnQ) [@ghostwriterofthemachine (same name on Ao3)](https://tmblr.co/mDTbvnEmGiiAEsU8RfD8jOQ) for the translations to Dai Bendu, their fancrafted Jedi Language!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! I would love to hear what you think!


End file.
